Advice on First Dates
The simple pleasure of getting to know another human being when your out on your first date can diminish under the weight of unrealistic expectations and the baggage of previous relationships, if you let it. Here’s some advice on how to make your first date a successful one and things you should be looking for in your new gal or guy.
Having a shared sense of humor is very important. Try to bring laughter to the date. Try to get a laugh out of the guy/gal. That way you know you’ve got something. If he doesn’t relate to your sense of humor, he’s not going to relate in other things.
Always stay true to who you are. People sometimes try too hard to impress and don’t be themselves. If they just relax a little, the date will go better and they will not have to worry about any misconceptions later on in the relationship, providing there is a later on in the relationship. Don’t lie or have too much to drink on your first date. These are disasters waiting to happen.
If you are meeting someone entirely new, like someone you know only through a personal ad or an online dating service be sure to go to a place with plenty of other people around. Do not do all the talking either, listen and try to find out more about the new person in your life. Keep the conversation general, talk about light subjects like music, movies, or books. Don’t engage in conversation about deep subjects like religion, politics, or tragedys. Keep it light.
There is a difference between first dates and the first face-to-face contact with someone you connect with through a dating service or ad. That is a meeting to size up each other, not a date. Make it short. If you are comfortable and seem to be compatible set up a date to spend more time together at another time.
Remember that the first date is supposed to be fun. You are getting to know this person and he is getting to know you. It should not be something that feels like a meeting with your enemy. Look for someplace fun to go and make sure it allows you to interact. It will help if the activity relates to a shared interest, such as art or music. Doing something you enjoy takes the pressure off. Have a specific plan. Do not leave things up to chance. Flexibility is nice but it reduces anxiety to know what to expect in terms of activity and how to dress.
Have realistic expectations about a first date. Some people start planning their wedding and others expect the worst. And if it is a dud do not make any promises you will not keep. Do not be encouraging if you feel no interest in further socializing. Do be honest and say you feel there is not a basis for anything other than friendship and let your date take it from there.
The Number One mistake people make on first dates is to judge the other person too quickly and harshly. Always keep an open mind. There is so much to discover about a person. Take your time and listen and try not to be too judgmental on your first date. You must understand the person is probably uncomfortable, too. Good Luck!
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